The Importance of Being Genuine

It came up in conversation in class last week in our discussion of personal identity that very often we put on 'faces' or 'masks' when we are with different people and in different situations.  I've been wanting to comment on this since, and I think today is the day.  So here are my thoughts...

It's obvious that there is truth in this -- there are things one wouldn't say to one's parents that one would say to friends, that would clearly be out of the question in front of Grandma.  People clearly act on a different level in an interview with a potential employer than they do in front of their classmates in school.  Students act differently around teachers they like than around teachers they don't like, and have to moderate the different personalities and styles of each class room.  We approach coworkers in different ways to maintain peace.  We approach strangers from detachment until we get to know them, and in different ways depending on the environment (e.g. strangers met at a wedding vs. strangers met at the local bar).

Nowhere is this 'masking' more apparent than on the internet nowadays.  People create profiles, selectively post specific information about themselves, post pictures that highlight typically the positive aspects of their lives (unless looking for negative attention, which is a different situation altogether), select only specific things about their experiences to talk about, and generally paint a specific picture of themselves and their lives.  We could even discuss the anonymous sector of the internet, where people create user identities completely bereft of relationship to their 'true' selves, posting commentary and discussions with other people, strangers to themselves, which the internet advertises as the only way to free ourselves from the constraints of reputation in a way that allows us to openly share opinions 'without judgment.' Of course that belief is overrated -- at least, I think so.  I don't know if the anonymous internet actually allows us to "be ourselves." Or, if it just allows us to be jerks to others with the safety of the distance in screen, and personal, social, or moral connection.  We are given the 'freedom' to say what we want -- to call people out, to make fun of them, to be divisive, to make assumptions (improperly, most often), to judge, to criticize, etc. in more ways than we would ever do so in a face to face manner, because no consequence can come. What are you going to do to me, say something mean back? OOOO I'm scared.

To connect it all together, it makes me terribly sad that things are this way, that it is commonly held as truth that we must 'put on masks,' and that is exactly the image we use -- masks.  Masks, classically, are defined as objects which are used to intentionally conceal and hide one's identity.  And yet, it is the first image we pull when we discuss the way we deal with various peoples.  Masks.  It is an underlying assumption then, linguistically, that we do in fact portray a 'face' that is 'not our own' to most people we come into contact with.  As a result, our interactions with most (if not all, including ourselves, even) are inauthentic and false.  So when are we ever truly who we are?

I guess it can be argued that all of these faces, these 'masks,' collectively show a true and holistic picture of ourselves.  But this would seem to suggest that we're constantly in a state of self-fragmentation, of fracturing ourselves in such a way as to highlight things at the behest of others we aim to keep hidden.

I guess my major concern -- and I have no true answer for it, other than to raise the question of it today -- is: when will we get to be wholes? When (or is it even possible?) can I be myself, the same self, in all situations, every situation, with all different people, without a mask, or a face, as I am, in totality? Will I always have to conceal and select what I show of myself, or can I be the same person all the time? If so, what kind of person must I be in order for that to be successful, or what consequences should I expect as a result? Just some food for thought.